At some point you will have come to a point where you have finally learned to be strong. Our lives are made up of innumerable lessons and some situations teach you how to overcome life’s adversities. Then you tell yourself that you can now do everything and have all the resources to cope with every difficult situation in life. But sometimes you forget the most important aspect: you should be happy too.
You won’t find happiness anywhere; it is here, right now. A happy person doesn’t wait for the perfect moment to be happy, they are happy right now. Because life is only in the moment instead and everything else is ultimately uncertain.
Still, many people who have just had a difficult time will have trouble following this advice. Why? Because it is very difficult for our minds to dwell in the moment when life is testing us.
In addition, in these situations you tend to act defensively and be careful to avoid getting into this difficult situation again. You look back and think about what happened to you in the past in order to learn from it. Then you try to do everything you can to be as prepared as possible in case something should happen again .
When you’ve had a horrific, complex, or traumatic experience, you shouldn’t try to be strong all the time. Instead, try to be as flexible as possible. Because during these times you often tend to be defensive or to protect yourself from admitting your vulnerability.
You’ve already learned to be strong, but now it’s time to be happy too
Balance can teach you important things, just like your experiences, relationships, and everything you read and discover. However, there is one fact that you should also grapple with: People who have had traumatic experiences do not always know how to become happy again themselves.
They often try to protect themselves permanently and, figuratively speaking, go out onto the street with a large umbrella every day, even if no rain has been reported.
Anisthenes, a Greek philosopher and founder of the teaching of Cynicism, said that our goals should make our soul an impenetrable fortress. But what is the point if we surround ourselves with a solid wall? It is difficult for light to penetrate a stone wall. Plus, you can’t see through them and, what’s worse, you’re locking the door to people who really want to get close to you.
As a result, the people who are almost obsessed with developing strong personalities often become defensive because they are afraid of being hurt. Obviously, this behavior is not the best strategy, as happiness cannot come from being afraid or using too many defenses.
Now you know your most important priorities in order to be not only strong but also happy
Not much has changed since Martin Seligman laid the foundation for positive psychology in the 1990s. There are still countless self-help books that try to teach people to be happy. Usually these gurus promise the key to how you will become a functioning individual.
However , these books are often not really helpful for people who have had bad and traumatic experiences. Two experts and psychologists, Jerome Wakefield from the University of New York and Allan Horwitz from Rutgers University, wrote a book entitled The Loss of Sadness: How Psychiatry Turned Normal Worries into Depressive Disorders . In this book they talk about this topic.
These days, an extremely strong obligation is placed on people that they must be happy too. Many experts find that people distort their emotional repertoire and neglect their emotions; Fear, fear or sadness are rated negatively. Therefore, people who have experienced trauma find their negative emotions extremely distressing.
But how can people be happy then? What can these people do for their mental wellbeing? While this may sound strange, these very people have an advantage. Often times, when people haven’t gone through difficult times in life, they tend to idealize happiness. You dream of the perfect partner, the perfect job or adventurous journeys.
People who have learned to be strong value much more fundamental aspects such as calm, balance, love and wellbeing.
The key to satisfaction lies in combining many things
Life made you strong and now the time has come to be happy too. You have overcome many adversities in life and experienced many changes. But you’re still standing! As strong as a rock.
So now you need to learn to be flexible and receptive. Accept the changes and work on being open to life in order to discover yourself and what makes you happy.
There is a very crucial point along this path that will allow you to work on your own satisfaction and happiness. This is probably the most important aspect. Viktor E. Frankl spoke about this in his famous book Man Before the Question of Meaning. Of course, we talk about finding meaning and purpose in our lives.
It’s about giving meaning to life, a motivating and intrinsic strength that inspires you and makes you act. This should be exactly what drives you to get up every day to get better and better and to set goals based on what is really important to you.