The word “please” comes from Latin and can be translated as “show friendliness”. In its original meaning it is about helping others and showing benevolence. However, it is far from what we sometimes mean by it these days. ” Disservice ” is the opposite of “favor” and the latter often turns out to be disservice .
First of all, we might assume that a disservice is simply due to calamity or rudeness. However, this is not the case. Often times, we intend to do someone a favor, but it will eventually result in a problem. Let’s go into a little more detail below.
Sometimes we get help from other people without asking for it. This “favor” can be either selfless or unexpected. The natural response to such favors is joy, as they give us a kind of transformative power.
It is entirely possible that these situations go unnoticed in a world of constant demands and immediate rewards. Accordingly, you may not react gratefully enough. But it is precisely these people who, without attracting much attention, move the wind for and not against you.
The mediators between favors and gratitude
A lack of gratitude could be due to cognitive biases that negatively affect the outcome. Selective abstraction, or filtering, is a distortion of thinking that leads you to believe that negative things are more relevant and present than positive things.
Just as there are times when you are not grateful enough, there are also times when you do not pay enough attention to these situations. This in turn leads, intentionally or unintentionally, to situations that you dislike.
Hence, life is not a mathematically perfect algorithm. Actions or circumstances that may initially benefit you can ultimately harm you. This is because the consequences are mostly unintentional and can prove a disservice.
On another level, mental filters are different lenses through which you pass on your information or thoughts. Everyone has this and creates these filters based on their own experiences, usually in a subconscious way. Mental filters or cognitive biases are the mediators of how grateful or ungrateful you are in the face of certain favors, whether or not you have asked for them.
When a favor proves a disservice and turns into condescension
At other times, and to your later amazement, bear services are inadvertently performed. They also become favors for the person who “wants to help you”.
These situations are usually part of a condescending attitude. On the other hand, they may be motivated to only respond to the benefits offered. Because of this, certain favors can be a double-edged sword.
Condescension occurs when a sense of superiority is accompanied by a misunderstanding of being kind to the person who is supposed to benefit from it. It may be that someone intends to behave condescendingly towards you and that they are disguising that behavior behind a favor. That way, since you haven’t asked for help, the consequences can be harmful.
It is important to avoid situations that are of no value to those who receive them. As a result, it is important to be critical of certain offers of help, even if they appear to be helpful. However, if the damage has already occurred, here’s what you can do.
How to deal with a disservice
Take note of the following advice:
- Apologize. First, consider the cause of the situation or the bad service. Do not admit guilt if you are not responsible for it.
- Take responsibility. Understand that a lack of guilt does not mean that you are not responsible. Because you too are responsible for what you accept.
- Evaluate the intention and let go. Are expectations hidden behind the favor?
We’re all human, after all, and we could be wrong whether we like it or not. In this regard, humanism opens the doors to compassion and forgiveness. At the same time, it is important to remember that many favors, including those with expectations or bad intentions, are usually the result of ignorance.
A favor to be drawn from is a disservice
A sincere favor is a selfless, well-intentioned, and kind act towards those who receive it. But it seems that favors have to be returned these days and the main motives behind it are justice and reciprocity.
Thus, if you fail to return a favor, there remains a debt. This guilt is related to its inevitable negative consequences for those who are said to have been favored. So the favor already turns out to be a disservice to the recipient.
In addition, the recipient sometimes finds himself in an inferior position due to the failure to return the favor. However, this is nothing more than a projection that creates a supposed market for favors and debtors. At the same time, it can lead to negative feelings or anger, especially if the “generous soul” does not receive anything in return.
A favor is viewed as a selfless act. But favors that a person does not need and that are offered with a condescending attitude are more likely to prove a disservice. So think twice about whether the favors are appropriate. Because a favor that comes with expectations is not a favor.
The concept of “prepayment” by a favor will not turn into a disservice as no immediate consideration is expected. It is based on the idea that everyone is selfless and can do someone a favor without expecting anything in return. The reason is that someday somebody will somehow do the same for us.