Is it possible that I look weak? Why me and not someone else? Abuse is selective, or at least it seems so to those who have ever suffered any form of abuse. Abuse can come from our partner, from our friends, or even from our family. Abuse can surprise us at any time and attack us completely unprepared.
Abuse can be verbal or physical. Verbal abuse is perhaps the most common because it is the most difficult to identify. It takes place so subliminally that sometimes we cannot find our culprit because his blows are his words.
“The difference between aggression and abuse is defined by its object. While aggression is defined as inflicting harm, abuse is described using terms such as submission, humiliation, domination, fear, enslavement, etc. ”
Juan Antonio Cobo Plana
Learning to be determined
The first thing you need to understand if you do not want to be abused is to learn to be specific. Assurance is something that you can learn. We learn to insist on our rights, we learn to make them respect us, we learn to express what we feel …
It’s easy to say, but not so easy to do. And the abuser knows that. And that’s why he usually takes advantage of situations that completely surprise you. Because then you don’t know what to do.
Unless a situation occurs a second time, you don’t know what action to take. You feel confused, maybe lost, and your surprise at his reaction leaves you in shock. This is totally normal. Sometimes the situation overwhelms you. Various situations arise that you would never have expected, and especially not, when dealing with this person!
“With abuse, the psychological trauma is much greater than the physical one.”
Juan Antonio Cobo Plana
At this point, you need to decide whether to respond or respond to the abuse. They are two very different things. Remember, the key point is not to go into the abusive man’s game, what matters is that he stop chasing us.
In order not to be a good target for the perpetrator, we need to know how to defend ourselves against everything he says. We definitely do. Do not allow anyone to use their power against you; don’t allow them to scare us – that’s the best we can do.
Don’t play their game
As we mentioned before, the best thing you can do is not play along. And that is why our answer is very important, because with it the abuser knows whether to leave us alone or to carry on. Here are a few factors that will help you deal with the abuser:
- The abuser will instill fear in you. Use this to think quickly, be more attentive, and know how to respond. Don’t let fear paralyze you and give you a mental block.
- Be strong and question everything the abuser tells you to do. Don’t let him know that he can have power over you. Whom is he trying to give orders here?
- Be sure of yourself. Of course, self-confidence is palpable and alienates any abuser looking for a victim.
- Don’t be aggressive or you will play along with his game. It’s important not to be too submissive or too aggressive. The right path lies in the golden mean.
- Your body language gives you away. Stay relaxed, look him in the eye and keep a strong stare. It is very important that your voice does not start to shake and that you always remain confident.
There are certainly people who are more exposed to abusive people than others. For example, there are people who are very immune to verbal abuse, but for this reason they are physically abused. If you feel helpless and cannot prevent abuse, get help! There are people who can help and support you. You’re not alone.
“Psychological abuse destroys people. Or harassment, feeling watched, feeling unloved. It also hurts a lot to be silent, to receive a cold or scornful look. “
Maria José Rodriguez de Armenta
Learn to “No!” to say, learn to know what you want and what you do not want to allow, what you deserve … The security in yourself scares abusers. High self-esteem and resilient security will be your two best weapons so that abusers will flee and not get too close to you.
Images courtesy of Yu Zhongwen