I came to tell you something, but when you started talking I forgot everything. My darkness and my sea of sorrow immediately vanished into thin air and vanished through an open window. Because you have brought me peace, because your gaze has drawn me under your spell and bewitched me, because you are my compass, my refuge on this unsafe terrain that is called life. Through you the real me comes to the fore.
It’s strange that much of the reading material dealing with relationships is focused on giving us a thousand pieces of advice and almost magical “love recipes” for love to come into our lives. In addition, they show us that we must leave these relationships, which are no longer worth anything, quickly and fearlessly behind us. But few tell us what is really important: the ability to keep a relationship alive. On this journey to an intimacy characterized by patience and understanding, where both clients are pursuing a joint project.
We have all experienced this situation at some point: We had a difficult day where we were plagued by doubts and the stress of this fast-paced world. But when we got home or met our partner after this long day, calm returned to us and everything had a purpose again. It was enough for us to hear our partner’s voice to make us feel ground under our feet again, and this perfect symphony triggers pure satisfaction in us.
We spend a large part of our existence with a “wrong me” through which we survive, adapt and please others until one day we meet that one person. This person, in front of whom we take off our mask to show him our “real me”. Few things in life trigger such an inner calm.
We would like to invite you to think about it with us.
The real me – when I talk to you, it helps me so that I can be myself
There are people who step into our lives at just the right moment, when we need them so badly, and their presence enriches us. They become sculptors of our own person. Little by little, they take off our protective shield so that our true essence, our true self, comes to light. It is precisely then that we show ourselves face to face without fear, without a mask and without reluctance.
In the Japanese language we find a term that is very appropriate in this context: Wabi Sabi. This is an artistic appreciation paired with an interesting philosophical connotation. It highlights the beauty of the imperfect, the purity and the essential presented to our senses. It is the elegance of these objects, situations, and even people that, in spite of the fact that they have been injured, reveal themselves to us completely authentically.
Some are pathologically looking for the perfect partner. For this they even hide behind a mask of applied perfection. The well-known English pediatrician and psychoanalyst Donald Woods Winnicott used to say that to live with the mask of the “false me ” meant “a total and absolute loss of our innate vitality, joy and creativity” .
When we think about it, our world is inherently too unpredictable, fast-paced, and contradictory for us to be any different even in our everyday relationships. So if you can find yourself in someone else’s gaze when you talk to them, you shouldn’t miss this opportunity. If this person loves you despite your quirks, your now and then bad mood and along with your scars, you should hold on to him and not let go.
Love comes like a storm sometimes – a storm of good or bad
Showing the real self is a challenge every now and then. It demands courage, strength and openness from us. But we should not forget the words of Kierkegaard: “The deepest despair is reached when you decide to be a person you are not really.”
Of course, we all know that love usually comes into our lives unexpectedly and with tremendous force. If we let love into our lives, we cannot avoid that with the good the bad comes from time to time. If we are looking for the perfect love that brings us only positive things, we will ultimately be disappointed.
We have to learn to understand that each of us has to dare to take this step and thus let stormy times into our lives. This protective shield is made from the stories of our past, from many beautiful and enriching stories, but also from scars, wounds and certain fears. That is why we are a “complex and very special self” that we don’t have to hide. Because complexity can also be a reflection of authenticity.
We are like a comprehensive book, sometimes confusing and chaotic, but always fascinating. Repairing and celebrating the real self with the help of our partner is as necessary as it is wonderful. In addition, it is also simply important to read these stories from the other in order to discover us and to accept each other along with our weaknesses and strengths.
Little by little, there comes this perfect harmony that fills any emptiness. It is these moments of conversation in which we feel as comfortable as if someone had made a long journey and finally arrive back at the common home, where there is space for the soul, life and dreams.
Images courtesy of Puuung