Having a partner is essential for many people, an absolute necessity. In fact, when many of them are single they are desperate for someone to date; and when in a relationship they do everything to keep it going, even if it causes them great pain. It seems that the fear of remaining single dominates the lives of a large part of the population, which leads to them often acting in very unhealthy ways.
But in contrast to how the idea of not having a partner may frighten us, that’s not that bad. It gives us the opportunity to get to know each other better and can therefore be an enriching phase. Then why does this fear of remaining single arise so often? What is behind this discomfort that arises from not having a partner? Let’s take a closer look at this below.
How does the fear of staying single arise?
In the society in which we live, romantic love has become very important. For many, it is she who gives meaning to their lives. We see her in films, hear and read about her in songs and novels: even if everything goes wrong, we only need the right partner and all problems disappear as if by themselves.
This message, while wrong, can sound very convincing. After all, in the end it is much easier to find a partner than to get down to work on changing what we don’t like about ourselves and our lives.
But a date with someone can only make us happy if we have been before. That is, happiness does not come from outside, nor is it made available to us by another person; it comes from us and from the relationship we have with ourselves.
People who enter into a relationship even though they are not at peace with themselves often end up in relationships that do not satisfy them because of various problems that show the characteristics of a toxic relationship. And one of the biggest reasons for that is the fear of staying single. Those people who suffer from this fear seek the meaning of life in love. As a result, they are unable to end a relationship with another person, even if they feel deeply unhappy about it.
On the other hand, this desire to always have a partner is reinforced on a social level. When we see a single person older than 30 years (and sometimes even much younger), we look at them suspiciously. “Something is wrong with this person,” we say to ourselves. But we don’t think so far that someone can be happy even as a single. However, recent studies on the subject clearly show that it is important to get on well with yourself before entering into a relationship with someone else.
Overcome the fear of loneliness
One of the greatest paradoxes in our society is that single people tend to be happier than those who are in a toxic relationship. Hence, the goal should not be to be with someone at any cost. It would be much more profitable to focus on building a good relationship with yourself and learning to be content with yourself.
Each of these aspects will help manage the fear of remaining single. In addition, these two circumstances are mutually reinforcing. In fact, one of the secrets of a good relationship is not to need your partner to be happy. This doesn’t mean that we don’t want to be with him, but that we are aware that we could survive without him.
While it may sound like a contradiction in terms, maintaining a degree of independence strengthens the partnership. The moment we assume we need the partner, we begin to display all kinds of behaviors that tarnish love. In fact, emotional dependence is one of the conditions that creates the most obstacles in a relationship.
Learning to feel comfortable as a single
Of course, saying we need to learn to be independent is a lot easier than actually making it through. However, if we pay attention to the following keys and gradually internalize them, the fear of being single begins to become part of the past.
- Improve self-esteem. If we are really comfortable with ourselves, we don’t need anyone else to be fine. We are all limited editions. Let’s discover what we have and, above all, how we can grow beyond ourselves.
- Memories of being single before. Was there a time in our life when we were without a partner but happy nonetheless? Certainly!
- Negative visualization. What would be the worst that could happen? When the fear of breaking up with our partner increases, we imagine exactly what could happen. At first we will feel terrible; but if we persevere and think about how we’re going to feel after a few months, we can find that being alone isn’t that bad after all.
- Maintain some independence in the relationship. Doing something alone, even when we have a partner, helps us feel more confident even when the relationship breaks.
As you can see, the fear of remaining single is very common, but it can be overcome. Now that you know the tools, it’s time to get to work. In a short time you will notice how your self-confidence increases and your relationship – primarily with yourself – will improve.