Tell Me If Something Bothers You, When It Happens – Not Only When It’s Too Late

Tell me when something bothers you, when it happens - not when it's too late

The best time to say with certainty and meaning that something is bothering you, that it is overwhelming and hurting you is now. Only at this moment can you express your opinion, in your best words, before it becomes too much for you and you end up having a tantrum that you really didn’t want to provoke.

Some people think that it is difficult, or even selfish, to be assertive. But being determined without harming others is the most effective approach to defending our personal and emotional rights. We do this by showing respect for the person we are facing.

It annoys me that you invade my personal space, that you make me vulnerable and that you make me feel small when my heart and my will are big. It bothers me and I defend myself so you know where my limits are. You should never step over this fence if you really appreciate me.

One aspect to keep in mind is the need to develop assertiveness while attending school and university. A particular child, student, or adult is a freer, more respectful, and happier person.


To say what bothers me: a matter of personal dignity

Your dignity should always take precedence over fear or worry of not pleasing or not being what others expect you to be.

Assertiveness is part of a healthy sense of self. It is the crucial but respectful ability to insure oneself in the complex social situations in which we live today. It is also clear that we cannot act aggressively by insisting on our rights as if we were living in a jungle. The bottom line is balance between defending our values ​​and respect.

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The need to be liked by everyone

There is no greater source of stress and personal suffering than the need to be liked by everyone and to meet everyone’s expectations. The personal exhaustion that results from this is enormous.

There is definitely a constant need for confirmation hidden behind this tactic. The idea behind this is: “What others think of me is more important than the opinion I have about myself.”

The first rule of confidence tells us to accept ourselves before others do. That involves being brave and untying several knots:

  • The knot that ties you to people who don’t accept how you feel and see things.
  • The courage to cut the thread that binds you to the need for approval and complacency. Dare to think for yourself and accept that the rest of you don’t have to share your worldview and the way you understand happiness.
  • Also, dare to untie the knot of passivity and fear of what people will say.

How we definitely express our feelings

If something bothers us, but we just sit still, then a wound arises. If we swallow one “injustice” after another, we end up getting sick from our own poison. However, if we choose to act at the last minute when we are full of anger and frustration, then others will look at us in confusion when they find that we have taken it all in silence.

Assurance is the compass of self-confidence. It is the voice that gives us dignity and defends our rights. It is therefore extremely important that we develop suitable strategies to incorporate them into our behavior.

Here are a few basic rules:

  • Use expressions like “I want”, “I like”, “I feel”   in your everyday language. Become aware of the emotions you have every time you use these words.
  • If you find yourself in a confusing situation, don’t ignore it. If something bothers you or scares you, try to clear it up at the moment.
  • Recognize the positive side of other people. Encourage their behaviors which enrich you and which you consider positive or, as Kant would say, which are a representation of a “universal task”  .
  • If you find yourself in a situation that makes you angry, get some fresh air, take a deep breath, and translate every feeling into words by using sentences like “I’m upset because…”, “I feel attacked because … ”,  Used.
  • Do not blame too much or use irony or insults. Talk about your rights and needs, listen to others, and don’t be afraid to defend yourself. Respect yourself just as you respect others. Be smart and valuable.

Determination is the weapon of intelligence and personal protection. When used wisely, it is the best energy to feed your self-esteem.

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