Suicide: An Unbearable Pain For The Bereaved

Suicide: an unbearable pain for the bereaved

Suicide is a matter that is rarely brought up in the media and against which society fights quietly but steadily day by day. Suicide is a taboo subject, in part because of all the emotions that arise in the wake of such a tragedy. When a loved one takes their own life, it is often difficult for us to understand. No matter how hard we think about the reproaches we make ourselves.

As we process what happened, our minds fill with millions of questions, with doubts about how to prevent suicide. It is very difficult for the human mind to understand and accept that a loved one has chosen to leave us.

The shock can last for a long time. Disbelief spreads and continues. Not wanting to be true also plays a role: “He didn’t want to leave us, something must have happened that forced him to make this decision. No i don’t think so. He would not have wanted to leave his parents like this … “

Stack of notes with question marks

Dealing with suicide

We look for every possible explanation to bypass the fact that the person concerned chose to leave of his own accord. That he consciously made this decision and accepted the consequences of it. When we have thoughts like this, we may become overwhelmed by the feeling that we did not mean enough to the person. Not enough that she wanted to stay with us, on this side of life. This is where anger arises because we feel betrayed or treated unfairly. At the same time, we feel guilty for not having done more.

“It’s not your fault that he wanted to leave. You are not the cause of his wish. You are not responsible for his suicide ”,   are the words that the bereaved then have to hear. They also need to integrate this into their ideas about what happened. And have to verbalize them.

Grieving woman

Often times you feel guilty because you haven’t noticed the warning signs: “How could I miss that? It would have been so easy to be there for him. On this day, at this point in time. ”  We put ourselves in a position where we become the executioner.

A person who wants to leave because they can no longer endure the agony of being alive will find a way to leave. Whenever she wants. And as she wants. Nobody is to blame.

Guilt and anger of the bereaved

It’s the hard truth that you have to accept. And that without blaming yourself. Without telling yourself that you are responsible for the loss. You should work on it right from the start and take it seriously. Because irrational and unrealistic feelings of guilt can make the pain you are feeling even longer and more intense.

Likewise, anger towards the deceased is a human feeling that occurs frequently: “How could you leave me here alone? Couldn’t you think of me for a second before you did it? ”   A kind of hatred fills the empty space that the victim has left behind. Anger towards something inexplicable is one of the most difficult emotions to control. We cannot cope with it because the one we can blame is no longer there.

“Uncertainty is a daisy whose flowers are never fully picked.”

Mario Vargas Llosa

Uncertainty and doubt are your companions when you have an experience like this. And the eternal, discouraging why. There are so many unanswered questions that cannot be answered that easily. In order to be able to live peacefully again, you need a lot of work on yourself.

The fear that someone else will do the same paralyzes

The fear will arise. The fear that another loved one will do the same. Before the guilt we all feel becomes unbearable for someone. This fear takes control of the survivors’ lives. They try to foresee any suffering in the event that another tragedy occurs.

Grieving woman

And last but not least, the scar remains. The loss so many families have to deal with. The shame they feel for being unable to prevent this tragedy. The silence it creates. The great taboo that comes with these deaths.

They are all natural, completely human feelings that we have to process and evaluate. It is natural to feel all of these feelings. However, we need to make sure that we get rid of all our irrational feelings of guilt and shame that have no raison d’etre. In this way we can finally put an end to this silence that gnaws at our soul. Because our soul has to speak, express itself and feel that it is not alone.

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