Sometimes I feel like I’ll fall and find myself devastated. And then I think, if I’m stronger than all that, if I’ve already survived worse things before, if my girlfriend is worse off and she is still optimistic, then I’ll get through it too, but the reality is different: We are beings who are guided by their feelings. Now and then I admit to myself that I’m not feeling well and that it doesn’t have to be something rational. And I cry, I cry very much in the hope that the tears will heal my wounds. That’s what I hope for from ice cream or hugs, and they actually do that every now and then.
But other times there is nothing that can calm this inner turmoil that I feel deep inside. And I assure my loved ones that it is not their fault and that there is nothing they can do about it, except to be there, which sometimes helps more than anything else. I’m frustrated and angry because we psychologists work like topographers, making maps so other people can find their way to happiness. However, that doesn’t necessarily mean that we can draw them for ourselves. Because as the saying goes: “The shoemaker wears the worst shoes.”
Has it happened to you before?
What are meta-emotions?
Meta-emotions are emotions that arise in recognition of other emotions, such as when you feel guilty about upset your friend. Do you really have a reason to feel this way? If your answer is no, then you are doing everything right and you basically don’t need to read the article any further. But the majority of us would have to say yes to the question, admit that we feel that way. If this is the case with you too and you want to know what you can do about it, we will explain to you later in the article how you can identify and deal with these types of emotions.
Usually one feeling brings with it another. The real problem is not being able to identify and channel these meta-emotions as they increasingly dominate our lives and our usual behaviors. This is the case with many family mothers and fathers who feel guilty about feeling lucky.
What are we talking about here? Families that have had to go through difficult times of crisis have got used to surviving more than living and therefore free time is absolutely dispensable for them, especially if there are still children. What is the result? That the most important caregivers in these families do not give themselves the freedom to switch off (go to a football game with friends, have a coffee with work colleagues, etc.) or do not want to meet a need (such as taking time for themselves or to Going to the hairdresser) because there are “other priorities”. And if, contrary to expectations, they can bring themselves to do it, they often feel guilty for having fun. The same thing happens in families where a family member is sick.
The natural crisis
The lessons of these experiences have not been pleasant, but what we are learning is positive. I call them “natural crises”. These are all these negative and painful but inevitable events in life that change us. But they definitely change us in a positive way. Sometimes it seems like life is testing us and then we ask ourselves things like, “What have I done to deserve this?”
Worst of all, there is often no answer to that. You haven’t done anything to deserve to have a family member fall ill, get fired after years of loyal work, or have a bad traffic accident. And after that you are simply not the same person and you also do not know how to continue with this “new you”. A new self that is perceived by others, by those around you, because you are now behaving differently than before. The pain is still there, but it has become part of you. You have internalized it and you know that it will not go away, but at the same time you are able to see the good thing about the misery and therefore you feel good.
They are natural crises because you couldn’t foresee them, they shook everything you knew and what is now history. The scar left by the pain can still be felt. We all have our own natural crises. And I want to tell you that no one is spared, but you are the one who decides what to do when such a crisis comes one day.
In 2011, many people around the world were plunged into personal crisis within six minutes. The tsunami in Japan killed more than 15,000 people. You could see two completely different reactions in the people who had this horrific experience: On the one hand there are those who fear the sea for the rest of their lives, but on the other hand there are also those who see this experience as part of their life experience.
Leaving personal crises behind in order to be able to look ahead again
Stop, take a deep breath and think – life is full of personal crises that we have to leave behind and which thus become part of our history. Nobody has a perfect life and everything is fleeting. In addition , we must go through times of crisis in order to realize the importance of enjoying riding the wave high up.
So how can you make a personal crisis a thing of the past? The answer to this question reminds me of a book I read some time ago that has nothing to do with a typical self-help advisor. The book is about recommendations for terminally ill people who know they don’t have long to live and how to say goodbye. This is summarized in four small sentences as follows: I’m sorry. I forgive you. I love you. Thanks.
Get rid of your feelings
Now you are probably wondering what to do with this information if you are not a person with a terminal illness. You can also say these four sentences to someone or in a situation that makes it impossible for you to look ahead. That is, we have to acknowledge our mistakes and those of others, but also the good that we and others have done; Recognize what we value in these people or smile across phases of our lives and be grateful for having had this experience.
Forgiveness is not only liberating, it also allows you to let go of everything that weighs so heavily on you, and it gives you the opportunity to see yourself or those around you as something much more complex and enriching. Now you are no longer bothered and you can continue on your way. The aforementioned book is about a woman who forgives her father who molested her on her deathbed.
We are all human, we make mistakes and forgiving life and yourself for those moments or decisions that you are not proud of and accepting them as part of your past without feeling uncomfortable about them is one of the most wonderful challenges that are there. It is precisely these people who turn a natural crisis into a turning point in their lives and also in terms of their personality. And they get up again. You get up again to dare to go into the sea again and to tell him: “I’m still there.”
Neither of us chooses a natural, personal crisis, but we do decide whether to flee from it or emerge stronger from it. Mine started some time ago and I wouldn’t change anything that has happened since then that made me write to you from there.