Paint your life how you want it. You don’t have to do it the same way others paint it. Your own attitude will always be your best paintbrush, giving you different hues when you need them most. You can choose to paint the day with a smile before bitterness dulls you.
Sometimes life gives us gray days. Moments of absolute darkness. Even when you think you are in control and consider yourself a fantastic planner in the midst of adversity, something always happens to remind you how vulnerable you can be.
I don’t want kisses in black and white, I want a life full of colors. I’m tired of the horror of people with storms in their hearts. All I want is to be like a butterfly and be reborn with bright and solemn colors.
In his books and interviews, the French neurologist, psychiatrist, and ethologist Boris Cyrulnik provides a useful and interesting take on vulnerability and happiness. That satisfying feeling that you experienced after a full range of light and dark colors.
Nobody is prepared for suffering. Having had a happy childhood does not guarantee that you will be immune to the emotional pain of the future. Even a traumatic childhood does not determine your maturity or your future, as Cyrulnik explains in his book Les Vilains petits canards (no German translation available).
Life can get pretty dark at any moment, we all know that. We’ve seen it before. However, instead of being overwhelmed by these events and trauma, we must stop being victims of our circumstances and work through our personal realities every day. Because we are all worthy of love and happiness. We should all choose the colors with which we paint our own horizon.
The shadows of life and how to confront them
Often we don’t realize that we all have a certain way of painting our lives. We face adversity and interpret and create reality using our own attitudes and certain psychological characteristics.
Yet this is where the problem always begins. People often say that our genes drive us to – or from – depression. A biased perspective where only you can see the gray days. Whereas in reality the sun shines sincerely and immensely.
But remember that genes predispose, but not predetermine. What matters is your willpower and your attitude. In fact, Dr. Rafaela Santos, the author of Levantarse Y Luchar (no German translation available), that resilience is a combination of genetic, social and psychological factors. However, there is nothing stronger than consciously and constantly training yourself to be able to face adversity in a positive way.
All of this encourages us to reflect on the fact that children can inherit a disposition to anxiety and depression from their parents. This happens because they share a psychological characteristic, namely an overactive brain circuit.
Our characteristics are not determined by its structures, but by metabolic functions that can be modified. With the right attitude, the right psychological strategies, and the right conscious training that we mentioned earlier, we can paint our lives the way we want.
It’s time for resilience, time to face
Resilience is like a source that pushes life into action. It is the art that gives you a sense of control over your problems. Likewise , instead of maintaining an infinitely helpless guilt for an unfair childhood, traumatic loss, or unforgettable mistake , we have the opportunity to choose new colors and shape our horizons.
Personal growth experts say that in order to achieve your potential, you must develop your self-control. We know, for example, that the word “resilience” comes from physics. It defines the type of materials that can regain their original shape after being deformed. However, this does not work in the field of psychology.
If something “deforms” us, we never get back our original shape. We won’t be the same anymore. But being a different person does not mean being a weaker, darker, more wounded person. The strategy of self-regulation should be used here.
Resilience is not the ability to get out unharmed. It is the art of dominating your thoughts and turning them into new emotions. It’s the challenge of maintaining your self-esteem, independence, and the courage to choose the colors you want to use to paint your future.
Three affirmations that you say to yourself every day
Dr. Edith Grotberg is known for her resilience test. It focuses the power of self-healing on three formulations that you can tell yourself every day:
- I am able to face difficult challenges. I have values, guidelines, a sense of self, and people who love me.
- I believe in hope and I believe in myself too.
- I can solve problems, communicate, defend myself, have good relationships, and fight for my happiness.
These simple thought strategies are well worth practicing. It takes a little effort, but you can do a lot with it.