There is nothing worse than realizing the inadequacies of our parents in ourselves. In a way, it’s crazy to imagine how awful it was to deal with these shortcomings. And suddenly, like it or not, they are also a part of ourselves. Could this be part of something bigger, like our family history?
The discomfort this resemblance causes is so great that there is often nothing else to do but deny it. However, this rejection leads us to impose such inadequacies on others. In psychoanalysis, this behavior is known as projection.
It is very common to repeat the patterns of your family history in other relationships. What you learned in your family as an adolescent is still yours today. When this finally becomes clear to you, you may ask yourself, “Does my family history really make me fail?” Or ” Will I make the same mistakes my parents made?”
Why is our family history so important?
Your family history goes beyond genetic studies. You haven’t stopped learning since you were born from the womb. In fact, you learned a few things before you were born.
It is perfectly normal to imitate what is shown to you every day. In no time at all, you express yourself like the people around you do. You even learn to deal with your emotions the way your neighbors do. In a way , these people become your role models.
In fact, there is a stage of development when children cannot distinguish their own being from that of their caregivers. In later stages the child then develops his “self” and understands that he is independent of his caregiver. This phase is particularly noticeable in adolescence, when the individual intends to affirm his “self” and deny his or her family history.
Children idealize their parents so much that, according to psychoanalytic theories, there is an infatuation with the parents known as Oedipus or Electra complexes.
Will I make the same mistakes as my family?
No, your family history is not doomed to failure. If you want to stand out from your family, you will. All of the patterns that you have seen or learned in your family run through your personality. Because of this, you can sometimes see it in yourself. Keep in mind, however, that your caregivers are not the only role models you have. Because your life experiences also structure this entire framework!
The new relationships that you establish, whether romantic, amicable, or fraternal, change all of the patterns that you carry within yourself.
With that in mind, you can view your family history as a burden. However, it is also something precious that has to prevail in order to sustain your generation. Believe it or not, it is even possible to perfect and improve your family history.
Anna Freud, the daughter of the famous psychiatrist Sigmund Freud, made fundamental contributions to psychiatry with her theories on defense mechanisms. As you can see, Anna Freud continued her father’s legacy and even went one step further.
Rewrite your family history
Understanding your family history is important to understand how your caregivers have affected you over the years. However, this doesn’t mean you have to repeat what your family members did. Remember, you don’t have to repeat or imitate actions that you disagree with.
One of the psychotherapies that focuses more on this perspective is family therapy. She tries with precision to explain your current family position and even previous generations. This enables the person to take an active role in these unconscious familiar patterns that are repetitive and cause pain.
Ultimately, you are an inheritance from your family members, both for the positive things you are proud of and the legacy of the things that make you uncomfortable. However, you should always remind yourself that it is up to your existence to improve this story and pass the best part of yourself on to the next generation.