Live For Others While Thinking Of Yourself

Live for others while thinking of yourself

It is a difficult endeavor to want to count all the thoughts that go through our heads every day. But it is also logical that the majority of our thousands and thousands of daily thoughts revolve around our daily needs: our own joys, our own preferences, our own problems (we shouldn’t forget those too) – we can in any case hold on to the fact that we are more of ourselves than anything else. In any case, this is logical.

After that , a certain part of our thoughts will likely revolve around those close to us : partners, family, children, friends. Unfinished business related to them, conflicts and exclusive ruminations about every single person.

Finally, of course, there is still a small part left for such useless topics as, for example: “How badly this haircut looks” or, “This TV program is driving me crazy, but finally switch over.”  Just everyday things …

Thoughtful-sad-girl-town

When we devote more time to others than to ourselves

It has been found that our minds often give ourselves less time than we need and devote more time to the rest of the world.

You can say that our brain, our intellect or even our own will is surprisingly busy with things that are alien to us and possibly even beyond our control.

“Did he dislike what I said?” , “It’s my fault, I should have acted differently” , or maybe even, “I’m an egoist, just now that she’s asking me for help…”.

Negative thoughts that make us feel bad because they “show” us that we were bad, or at least because they did not behave well enough towards another person. Thoughts that have nothing to do with us, that do not defend and protect us, but other people.

Our ability to formulate sentences like these in our minds is incredibly great, and it has far-reaching effects on our emotional lives.

Thinking excessively about others has an emotional impact.

One might also think that such thoughts are inevitable. There are a million arguments for making us feel this way. But how many are there who speak for us?

The educational messages from our childhood

In fact, in the course of our lives we are constantly exposed to educational messages such as: “One has to share”,  “Do good to others”,   or “Do everything in your power to make others happy”.

These are educational messages because they were drummed into us during our childhood. It seems that as children we need such messages so that we can later create our own values. But in reality they contain various restrictions for the adult human :

– First of all, they are orders. They are not just sentences like “I know you should …”  They are not suggestions. Hence, they force us to act in a very specific way.
“Raise your child with suggestions,”   some might think. We are no longer children. We can think about these commands, change them. They discuss and question. Who decides to do “good” if not ourselves? Who decides whether to share or not if not ourselves?

– Second, there are two-part orders. That means: “You have to share.” – if not, then you are not good. “Do good to others.”   – or you are not good, but bad. And: “Do everything in your power so that the others are happy.”   – or you are an egoist. There is no room for being “a little selfish”. All or nothing. Good or bad. The question that arises is whether there are no gray tones?

– And finally, subjectivity. No one has ever described what it means to be good, selfish, or altruistic.

sad child

Where is the rule written that we can consider ourselves egoists? How often do we have to look at ourselves and not at others? Is it bad to be like this?

The Romans used the word selfishness to denote the “practice of the ego”.

Think of yourself, be a little selfish

Ultimately, everyone has their own definition of these terms, and we all try to see ourselves as the good guys. Either we argue and debate, or we take the role of evil and punish ourselves, repent to make amends for the evil we have done. And that is logical. After all, we are the protagonists in our story.

But sometimes we are suddenly locked in a logic that harms us. And then we give time, skills and strength to certain people who have no other goal in life than to get ready for us. But we can’t stop. We are afraid of the negative consequences. It terrifies us deeply to stray from the predetermined path.

Reflecting on these thoughts with calm and serenity and thinking them through with the mind can be an exercise that our humanity will thank us very much. That little moment when we think about it and suddenly we realize, “Hey, maybe I’m not that bad after all. Maybe I need some time for myself. Maybe I don’t want to worry about anyone now. Maybe I should be selfish. “

Maybe it’s right to be selfish. Maybe being selfish just means loving ourselves a little.

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