Obsession and fear have nothing to do with love anymore. To experience this feeling in all its glory, we need to learn to let go, say goodbye, and rid ourselves of anything that doesn’t belong to us. Everything we love has the quality of being free and therefore these things are ephemeral and changeable.
When we love, it is difficult for us to understand that we need to let go of what we have been holding onto. This is something we are not prepared for until we have to experience it. Suddenly we are dependent on a situation that we ourselves have created without even noticing it.
Have you ever been afraid of a love relationship breaking up? Probably yes and this situation in itself causes us feeling unwell and suffering. We plunge into a new relationship full of hope and joy, at this point everything is perfect and seems to last forever. But reality looks different, because everything that has a beginning also has an end at some point, will change and develop further.
Adjusting to change helps to be more aware of the fact that every moment is unique and irreplaceable. Over time, we learn that it will only hurt if we give everything to ensure that something does not end.
To love also means to learn to let go
We have a wishful thinking that things are made to last, and that’s why we act as if they were. In this way we are fooling ourselves because we believe that there are feelings that are always there, that people will never change, and that situations are just the way we’d like them to be. This misbelief is the model of the fairy tale that we like to tell ourselves so as not to have to deal with reality.
Have you not yet become aware of how everything is changing in your environment? Didn’t you notice how you change yourself? Your body, circumstances, attitudes, and experiences change over the years. So we inevitably live in constant change.
We want to keep love – which is probably one of the most wonderful experiences we can have – like treasure, not let it go away and feel it forever. But love is only eternal as long as it lasts, although we have to accept that it changes and flows like the spring water.
It is not possible to keep love because love itself needs freedom. This is one of the most important learning processes we must go through if we are to declare war on frustration, resentment, suffering, and even hate – feelings that arise when we hold on to something that is no longer.
When we don’t know how to love, it frustrates us
Love doesn’t hurt. It is a feeling that we enjoy and that makes us live full of joy, hope and certainty that we are with the people we love. This requires a great inner peace and we have to remain true to ourselves. Once we feel this way, there is no room for suffering and pain.
But what happens when we love and that love is not returned? This is a common heartbreaking situation, and it serves as an example for us to understand that we haven’t learned to love. We are frustrated not because we love, but because we have learned to love only under conditions; a love that includes high expectations and possessive behavior.
“For most people, the problem with love lies mainly in being loved, not in loving, or in one’s own capacity to love.”
It is not easy for us to accept that love will pass, that the other person no longer feels the way we do. Then we are hurt and scared. These feelings are part of our conception of love, of the thoughts that we make to ourselves and through which we present ourselves as worthless. Judging ourselves has nothing to do with love and only leads to us destroying ourselves.
The frustration ends with understanding that we were wrong about the idea of love: we recognize that freedom begins right where we break away from anything that keeps us from being free. Because we imagined how things should have gone, and this idea leads to disappointments.
We only really love when we can let go
We feel bad when we resist the changes in love. But we can also look at the situation differently, let our ability to continue to love emerge and accept the freedom of the person we love. We must no longer resist letting go. This experience brings us true inner peace.
A farewell has a liberating effect and creates space again so that love can continue to flow. At the same time, we make it easier for the other person to continue on the path they have chosen and which they must continue to follow. This is the true love that we can give to ourselves and to others.
We love each other when we give ourselves the opportunity to start over and open ourselves to new things, so that we can also get to know new kinds of love. And that should happen without internal storms that stir us up, paralyze us and destroy our natural ability to live in harmony with our feelings.
The essence of all the beautiful that we experience is our own freedom. When we are able to no longer hold on to something and understand letting go, we embark on the path of bliss and love.