If You Are Not Loved, But Neither Are You Let Go

When you are not loved but you are not let go either

In every love, at some point crossroads open up that frighten us, although many of them actually lead to happy labyrinths. But sometimes these confusing paths are not easy to walk. For example, when you stand in front of one of these people who don’t love you but don’t want to let you go either. Then you ask yourself questions like “What if I am not loved?”   and “What to do if I am not let go?”.

On the one hand, you have the feeling that this person is not really interested in you, is not considering your needs, and is not trying hard to make you happy. But when the barrel overflows and you announce your intention to end the relationship, that someone will immediately walk up to you and make hundreds of promises to assure you that they don’t want to lose you.

This tug of war is strange. Sometimes you come to believe that maybe you are the one who is wrong. Even so, you will quickly see signs that you are not loved again. And the vicious circle begins all over again. Again the same questions come to mind: What should I do in the face of such an oppressive situation?

“Where one can no longer love, one should pass by.”

Friedrich Nietzsche

How to find out that you are no longer loved

With love there is always a bit of suffering. But if it is a healthy love, there should be a lot more moments in it when you feel good than moments in which you have grief. It should also be based on transparency, although that does not preclude the occasional doubt and contradiction. In short, love basically has to make you happy.

Woman and man move away from each other

If we start from this thought, you may notice that you are not loved if you feel more anxious than calm. When you suffer from the absence and incomprehension of your partner more often than enjoying the time with them. When you go inside for a moment and you realize that you no longer know what it is to have inner peace; that all the time you feel like hurricanes are raging in your heart.

You will not be loved if you are not given enough attention. Not even if your needs and feelings are disregarded. Or when they are devalued, rejected or criticized. It’s always easy to find out if you are loved. It is difficult to accept that and to make decisions about it.

Why are you not let go?

What always ends up confusing you is that the other cannot bring themselves to let you go even though they don’t love you. Of course that confuses. If you love this person, you will at some point convince yourself that you too are loved, albeit in a strange way. Proof of this is that your partner won’t let you end the relationship. That is absolutely misleading. But why is this happening?

Heart in chains

There are three main reasons for this to happen:

  • A selfish need : The other knows they don’t love you, but also feels that they need you. Maybe he can’t be alone and hasn’t found a new partner yet. As soon as he finds a new partner, he’ll break up with you right away.
  • A possessive and self-centered behavior : Many people cannot stand the thought that another person will take their place. For them, their partner is like property that they must not lose. The fear that you will find a new partner creates a narcissistic wound in your current partner that will not allow them to let you go.
  • Immaturity : Your partner may have no idea what it is to love others. He wants to be loved, but he doesn’t know how to return love himself.

Most often the whole thing is based on a selfish attitude. The partner puts his own needs before those of the other. Therefore, he doesn’t mind causing harm as long as he doesn’t have to acknowledge his weaknesses or limitations.

End this situation

If you find yourself in such a situation, it is advisable that you do not let any more time pass and finally bring order to this chaos. Nothing good can come out of such an asymmetrical relationship. But on the contrary.  Usually everything will only get more difficult, with the result that you will face many bad times and uncertainties, and yet nothing will change.

The first thing you should do is analyze the situation and define whether you are really not loved. Do not fall into the role of victim. Reflect and find out if your partner really cares about you and enriches your life. If not, it is advisable to propose an open dialogue. State your reasons and try to understand your partner’s reasons. He may not even understand why he is acting the way he does.

Torn poster with a face on it

The next step is to leave your partner. Erase it from your life. To do this, fall back on all the mechanisms that are available to you. Such a relationship is not a relationship. It hurts you, limits you, and can even make you sick. If you feel that there is no way you can end this partnership, that you can’t stand the pain that comes with it, you should seek help. What you feel is not love.

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