If you ended up here and are hoping to learn how to manipulate others here, then you are not in the right place. In this article, we’re trying to give you a few tips to help you bring change into a situation that affects not only you but other people as well.
To start with, I would like to recommend an interesting book: How to Make Friends – The Art of Becoming Popular and Influential by Dale Carnegie. This book contains many helpful tips and techniques on how to make a difference. It was written in 1934. But the advice it contains is just as relevant today. It is undoubtedly one of those books that we should definitely have in our library.
The techniques we can use to motivate others to change are, according to Carnegie, as follows:
- Have a conversation with honest approval and appreciation.
- Only address other people’s mistakes indirectly, never directly.
- First talk about your own mistakes and only then about those of others.
- Give the other person space to explain and express their own perspective on the problem.
- Praise others every time there is a change or improvement.
- Stand up for a person’s good reputation and speak out in front of third parties about the person’s positive aspects.
- Use motivation and inspiration so that others can see their mistakes as something that can be easily changed.
- Making others feel good about the decisions they have made and also rewarding yourself for the results that have been achieved.
So is it possible to bring about a change in other people? Yes, it’s possible! As is so often the case in life, there are some things that we need to keep in mind. Firstly, it is not about making everyone in our environment into a personal subject who cannot think for himself and who always has to say yes to everything. Rather, it is about helping others and striving for the common good without ever seeking your own benefit.
It’s best to use an example for a better understanding: We are in a relationship and our partner is very messy. In addition, we have children who are just about the age where they crawl all over the place and put everything in their mouths. In this situation, wouldn’t it make a lot of sense to advocate change?
Some of us might say in this situation: “He was already like that when I met him.” Or “Well, if you don’t like that, you should look for another man.” But things are never in Carved stone. And the first step is always to enter into a dialogue. It is important that the other person develop an attitude of acceptance and that they learn to understand the positive sides. We need both that person’s help and consent.
Saying things like “You always distribute your stuff everywhere” , “You’re such a mess.” Or “It annoys me if you always leave your things around” will probably not be very successful. Why not?
- Even the messiest person in the world will clean up at some point, so there is no such thing as “always”.
- The question of whether someone is neat or untidy is not part of a person’s personality. A person can behave in ways that are messy, but that behavior can be changed. We can’t change who we are, but we can change how we behave.
- Your negative feelings are your responsibility, not your partner’s. Don’t force this on the other person, or any change you make won’t change those feelings after all.
But how can we really achieve change then? By finding reasons: if we clean up, our child will be less exposed to danger, we will make a good impression on other people who visit us, you will find things you are looking for faster, our relationship will improve etc.
After you’ve got someone’s approval, it’s important to formulate concrete steps to initiate that change. This is very important because it is how we internally transfer our agreement to outstanding tasks. This will make them much easier for us. In addition, concrete tasks will make it much easier to evaluate and reward the progress made.
Even with small changes in our attitude and expression, in the way we formulate things and in the way we structure our message, we can contribute to the change ourselves. In some cases it will be necessary to set yourself leading as an example for the other person. And it will be necessary to express our gratitude at the slightest step towards the agreed goal.
It is also important to keep in mind that one should not just try to achieve every goal in one way or another. This notice is aimed at all those who have a tendency to unethical, manipulative behavior. Also, we shouldn’t say things like, “If you don’t do this, it means you don’t love me” and thereby reject the other person. If you are genuinely convinced that someone is doing something because they don’t love you, then don’t use this as an opportunity to manipulate the other person; it’s time to end the relationship.
Z to completion come here are a few rules from the book How to Win Friends of Dale Carnegie, how to happier relationships leads.
- Never complain without giving an explanation.
- Don’t try to improve the other person. The really important and groundbreaking changes in your life will be those that you can bring about yourself.
- If you criticize, it is in a constructive way. Avoid statements like: “You can’t do it that way!” Use phrases like: “You could do it better by …”
- Be grateful, attentive, and don’t ignore the little details.
We hope this article has helped you and, as always, we look forward to your comments or suggestions!