How I Live My Life With Your Emptiness, Sterility

How I live my life with your emptiness, sterility

Becoming a mother is a very personal decision. Some never feel the need to do so, breaking the traditional role that every woman has long been expected to take on. However, this topic has a very delicate side, which is accompanied by personal anxiety and emotional emptiness, and is very often visible these days.

The impossibility of becoming a mother is without question a deep pain that only those who have suffered from it can understand. In vitro fertilization techniques have become very advanced, but nevertheless they are not always successful and not all can afford them.

Nor should one conceal the fact that the issue of infertility also affects men, because this ailment knows neither genders, races nor religions. Any of us could be affected. To be mother or father is the greatest gift on earth, a treasure that contains all of our being and our love, to have someone whom we can accompany and lead on every step towards personal maturity and a happy life.

Today we would like to deal with this topic and focus on women and the emotional effects when they are unable to make their dream of becoming a mother come true.

Psychological Effects of Infertility

As indicated, the infertility experience is  not easy for either women or men. This experience can be made by a couple trying to have a child, or a single woman who wants to have a child.

Regardless of the backgrounds, understanding and accepting the fact that it is impossible is definitely a painful process. According to experts, the news of infertility is similar to the pain of losing someone:

1. At the beginning there is perplexity and incomprehension. It is even possible that we will accept it. All of our friends already have children and no one has had any problems getting pregnant. So why should it hit us?

2. Sometimes we are confronted with this “social wall” that is  not exactly helpful with its phrases. It is not a question of rejection of “sterile” women, but a lack of understanding. Sometimes even the partner doesn’t understand his partner’s pain, or friends and relatives try to comfort us by saying things like, “This is not that bad, it will give you more freedom.”   Such comments can be absolutely devastating.

3. The lack of understanding is followed by anger, the phase in which we seek guilty parties, including ourselves. What do we have that doesn’t work? Is it because of some medication? Because of something we did or didn’t do?

4. This is followed by the phase of desolation, tears, and pain. Many women had already prepared things for the child they wanted, long-term plans that must now be discarded.

We are slowly stopping to hope that in vitro fertilization or adoption will help us.

Still, this is just the acceptance of the immediate effects. We accept the fact that we cannot have this dream child, the person we wanted to give our love to and take care of.

Blue figure

How to deal with infertility

We should realize that if the suffering process described cannot be completed and we cannot accept that we cannot have children, it is very possible that it will develop into deep depression.

The feeling of failure, that we have something in ourselves that is beyond our control and prevents us from becoming mothers, envelops us in a state of utter helplessness. This low self-confidence will sooner or later drive us into depression.

How can we deal with such a situation?

  • First of all, you should know that you are not alone. You have a partner who will support you and because you have to support you at the same time. Try to deal with the situation together and not pay so much attention to the opinions of others. If you wanted to start a family on your own, seek support from your family and friends. They will give you love and support and will help you with any possible solution.
  • Most likely, you will never have the experience of pregnancy,  and you need to be aware of that. But that’s why you shouldn’t love yourself less. Don’t reject your body because it won’t allow you to have children. Never fall into these thought patterns. Motherhood is still open to you, for example through adoption.
  • Even if, for whatever reason, that person you want to care for, protect and educate, will never become a reality,  do not lose your need to give love and want to be there for others. There are many people around you who need you. Love you the way you are Infertility shouldn’t be a void in your life. You can fill it in a variety of ways. Find a way and live a happy life.

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