Higher Self-esteem Through Realistic Questioning

Higher self-esteem through realistic questioning

Higher self-esteem is one of the most important goals of many therapies because it is one of the building blocks with which we pave the right path. A high self-esteem strengthens our emotional immunity and maintains our resilience. Knowing its importance, we ask ourselves the question: How can we improve our self-esteem?

To do this, as with other psychological challenges, we need to employ various tools and strategies. This is because the decline in our self-esteem is always based on various factors. Two of the most important factors are the system of attributions we use and the degree of influence we have on what happens to us.

“Low self-esteem is like driving through life with the handbrake on.”

Maxwell Maltz

What is causal attribution and how can it harm our self-esteem?

When we lack self-respect, we think that what is happening to us is a result of personal, internal factors that we cannot change. We attribute the cause of our “unhappiness” to ourselves. For example, how do people with low self-esteem feel when their hearts are broken? They think it was their fault that the relationship broke up.

This creates negative thoughts like “I’m not good enough”, “I don’t deserve this”  and “This is all my fault” . However, when a relationship ends, both parties always share responsibility. It is never just one person’s fault, even if both may think so.

Sad woman in a chamber

Therefore, it is normal to feel guilty when they break up. However, the moment these thoughts arise, our self-esteem should ease the burden and avoid breakdown, which means that we remain realistic in the causal attributions we make. The same thing happens in many other situations in our life.

Not only that, people with self-esteem also tend to attribute the good things that happen to them to external causes. For example, they may assume that they were promoted at work because their boss was nice, not because they were qualified. Therefore, they never feel comfortable when they are rewarded.

“Unless you value yourself, you will not value your time. As long as you don’t value your time, you won’t do anything with her. “

M. Scott Peck

Learning to change the causal attribution: improving our self-esteem

So what can we do to question causal attributions and thereby improve our self-esteem? Let’s start by taking a step back and putting things in perspective. In this way it is possible to conduct a more or less objective investigation, adapted to reality and not focused on our mistakes.

We should ask ourselves to what extent we have an influence on what happens to us and which other elements worked to achieve a certain result. We must learn to ascribe a part of the good to ourselves when something good has happened. Of course, we should also take responsibility when we make mistakes, but we are not to blame for everything bad. In the balance we find our well-being and can increase our self-esteem.

A girl takes a selfie

Also, if we are primarily responsible for something bad, it is not good to punish ourselves after analyzing it and learning from it. If we learn from our mistakes, we will avoid repeating them in the future and will not have to damage our self-esteem.

“When you relax or discover something that nourishes your soul and brings you joy, take care of yourself well enough to make room for it in your life.”

Jean Shinoda Bolen

After these steps we can develop and improve. The ability to realistically analyze our behavior will help us better assess our strengths and weaknesses. This will improve our self-esteem and make our personal responsibility easier. We will be able to better choose the goals in which to invest our resources.

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