Most people believe that hate is the opposite of love. You may think that if you’ve been seriously hurt or betrayed, all you have to do is loathe someone and hold a grudge against them. Because what else would this person deserve, or not? Well, it’s not that simple. Sometimes it’s hard to face the cold and harsh reality: hating someone keeps you from breaking free. The only way to let go of this person is to forgive him or her and detach yourself from the experience as a whole.
Since everyone has their own coping mechanisms and strategies, each individual reacts differently to insults or injuries. While it is true that anger can be more functional than sadness at certain times, as the former can give you the drive and strength you need to keep going, you should still be vigilant. If you keep this feeling in you for a long period of time, it will end up poisoning your soul. And continues to keep you trapped in this painful past.
Why do we hate
Think about the people you hate or have hated at some point in your life. It’s not just anybody, right? Instead, the chances are very high that they play, or have played, an important role in your life.
Hate is a very intense emotion that, in most people, is only triggered by a very specific type of stimulus. Basically , we hate when we feel attacked or exploited, or when someone attacks our physical or psychological integrity.
In other words, we don’t just hate “anyone”, right? Think about it for a moment. Chances are you have put the person you hate for today on a pedestal in the past, either because you had a great emotional bond with that person or because they had some authority or power over you in one way or another. Hence, many people believe that it is perfectly okay to hate those abusive and neglectful parents, that mean teacher who has compromised your self-esteem, or the person who promised to take care of you and did the exact opposite.
Hatred is nothing more than condemnation. Hating someone makes us feel that we are “a judge” and that we have the right to judge and judge the other for their wrongdoing. But we not only believe that these people deserve a punishment, we take matters into our own hands and want to implement this punishment ourselves. This then ultimately leads to hatred.
Hating someone prevents you from breaking free from that person
First of all, you should know that it is absolutely human to have feelings of hatred towards the people who have hurt you very much. Your emotions are completely valid and you have absolutely the right to feel them. In addition, it is also perfectly understandable that you feel the need to punish this person. However, there is one thing you shouldn’t overlook. The truth is, you are only punishing yourself for hating another person.
It is said that holding a grudge or resentment is like holding coals on fire and waiting for the other to be burned. And this metaphorical statement is perfectly accurate. Because ultimately you are the one who will live with this darkness inside every day. You are the one who will continue to live through the pain and betrayal this person caused. But it keeps you chained to the person even though you loathe them so much. As a result, that person’s hurtful actions will continue to condition and affect your present.
If you maintain such intense and negative feelings over a long period of time, it becomes a great emotional burden on yourself . When you hate someone, you stay attached to that person. This means that instead of healing yourself once and for all, you keep investing your time and mental energy thinking about them. Only if you accept your experience, forgive it and give it a new meaning, can you break the chains that still bind you to this person.
Do not be afraid to break free!
Not all attacks and injuries are equally severe. As a result, getting rid of it will also be more complicated in some cases than in others. But in any case, this liberation is a very rewarding effort that you have to undertake yourself. If you really want to free yourself from these injuries and thus also from this person, the first and essential step is to accept what happened. So you have to stop resisting this notion and stop thinking compulsively that the situation should be different. When you realize that you cannot change the past and learn to accept it as part of your story, you have mastered and mastered a great step.
You should then re-evaluate the experience. Everyone has the ability to interpret the same event in different ways and that is what you should do now. Instead of focusing on the pain and injustice that caused this situation, focus now on the lessons that this experience taught you. Remember that no matter how difficult an experience is, one way or another it will always help you grow and get stronger.
Forgive to set you free
And then you should forgive that person. However, this step is often the most complicated. Perhaps you believe that if you forgive him or her, you will then deny this person all responsibility for this situation. But forgiving does not mean that you justify the actions themselves. When you forgive the other, you free yourself from your own burden of continuing to hate that person. So, as you can see, forgiveness is not about simply forgetting the past, but rather about preventing it from hurting you any further.