Family Devaluation: If They Make You Believe You Are Worthless

Family devaluation: if they make you believe you are worthless

Experts in systemic family therapy believe that any unrecognized child bears the risk of becoming an invisible adult in the future. They are people who have been taught from an early age that their needs are not important. Rather, their identity has actually been dissolved to the point that they are no longer even able to develop an authentic sense of self.

“Everyone has painful wounds hidden in their heart, and some people can even go so far that over time they can no longer feel pain.”

Kim Bok Joo

So it can be said that we are dealing with a very serious problem that many parents underestimate. Now let’s look at an example.

Anna is 9 years old and spends the day mocking, pinching and pushing her younger sister Karla. While the first daughter is very restless and exuberant, the little one is rather reserved and very shy.


Crying girl

From family devaluation to personal devaluation

Family devaluation is a form of emotional neglect and therefore a subtle, but very dangerous, form of abuse. Dr. Marsha Linehan, a well-known expert on mental disorders and dialectical behavior therapy, explains in her work that such interactions create serious conflicts in a child’s mind.

For example, consider a baby who was never visited and comforted by his parents that night when he burst into tears. Now, if we imagine the same two-year-old child having a terrible tantrum, the angry parents will not know how to deal with this screaming child. A few years later they will scold the child, because it does not know how it is tie his shoes must because it attracts too slowly, too slowly eats and can not express himself selected: “You are clumsy and crying always for no reason”  is what this child hears every day for the first six years of his or her life.

Child is crying on a staircase


Appreciating yourself in adulthood: the inner dialogue

Systemic family therapy is essentially based on Paul Watzlawick’s theory of human communication. In collaboration with other experts from the Mental Research Institute (California, USA), he developed an extraordinary approach that was crucial for future family therapy and a better understanding of these complex dynamics.

The image of a road forms half of a man's head

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