Anger And Hatred: Emotions That Destroy Themselves

Anger and hatred: emotions that kill themselves

There was once a boy who was always in a bad mood, full of hatred, and quarreling with his classmates. One day his father told him to put a nail in the door of his bedroom every time he quarreled with one of his classmates. The boy drove a lot of nails into his door, but at some point it was so exhausting for him that he decided to stop arguing with his classmates.

The father told him to pull a nail out of the door every day he was not angry. The boy did that, but his father showed him the holes that the nails had left in the door and said to him, “Never forget that anger and hatred also leave scars on our hearts.”

“Anger is like an acid that can be more damaging to the container it is stored in than anything it is poured on.”

Mark Twain

Anger and hate as a problem

A person can experience anger and hatred in response to anger. Likewise, the anger can come from the anger the person feels because their rights have been abused. We’ve all been upset at one point or another because something happened to us that we thought was unfair (for example, if we were judged unfairly or cheated on). This irritation in the face of injustice deserves respect.

But it becomes a problem when anger and hatred are used to hide our fear or something we did wrong. In these situations, when anger is no longer a response to an injustice, it becomes a pure expression of our ego. This reflects our inability to control and manage our emotions.


The anger and its causes

According to Raymon Novaco, an expert in psychology, anger is an emotion that has an important communicative function because it allows us to express our negative emotions. But this is often confused with aggression, which is a behavior. There is a fine line separating the two.

Novaco believes that there are four essential categories of provocation that can cause us to be angry:

  • Frustration or the inability to fulfill a need or desire can arouse feelings of anger in us. An example of this is the anger we feel when we get a bad grade or when someone else puts us at a meeting.
  • Annoying occurrences such as noises from the apartment overhead that keep you awake, the loss of a key or the phone: these things can lead to anger.
  • Verbal and non-verbal provocations. Taking these provocations personally can make us angry. Examples: a sarcastic comment from a friend; a car that drives past us at high speed and honks.
  • Injustice towards us or an unfair event, such as the violent death of someone we know, can also be causes of our anger.

Symptoms and Consequences of Anger and Hate

Anger and hatred can be the result of low self-esteem, insecurity, emotional immaturity, self-centeredness, impatience, intolerance or frustration. Fear can also find expression in these feelings. In order to free yourself from fear, to stimulate yourself, anger, anger and aggression are chosen in such a situation.

Whether this is a teenager or a retiree, their fears make them act like three-year-old children, impulsive and frightened, who get angry because their toys have been stolen. Anger is the shield these individuals use to protect themselves in the face of the occasional inability to fulfill their desires.

“Anger is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”

William Shakespeare 

The anger and hatred a person develops can have profound consequences. For example, they lead to superficial relationships with other people based on dominance; to the need for obedience; feelings of guilt, remorse, and loneliness; Too lack of empathy and the conviction that one is always right.

communication problems

How to deal with an angry person

When you are the object of another person’s anger and hatred, the best thing you can do is to distance yourself. Sometimes that is not possible. Then there are a few simple things we can do to keep that person’s anger and hatred from harming us:

  • Don’t let that person attack you whenever they want to.
  • Don’t waste your time contradicting the person.
  • Remember that you are the strong person and the person who screams is weak.
  • If the situation gets out of hand, walk away and come back to talk about it later when the other person has calmed down.

“Anyone can get angry, it’s easy. But being angry with the right person, in the right amount, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way, that’s hard. “


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