A Form Of Bullying Nobody Talks About: When Parents Are To Blame For The Bullying

A form of bullying nobody talks about: when parents are to blame for the bullying

Bullying in school is becoming more and more visible, thanks to courageous voices, thanks to people who do not want to be passive in recognizing bullying, and thanks to victims who understand that people who suffer from it are not ashamed or just have to endure it .

It is difficult to fight bullying in a socio-economic environment that promotes dysfunctional and harmful values; Values ​​that tend to be the perfect alibi of a person bullying someone else. All we have to do is look at the wide variety of sports, entertainment media, TV shows, video games or series to understand why we have this problem and why it is chronic. But something promises to be improved, and this is such a powerful tool: we’re finally talking about it. But we don’t just have to talk to the perpetrators and victims, but also to other parties involved, for example with the parents, if the parents are to blame for the bullying.

Anyone who is involved in bullying shows what kind of society we live in

The bully is justified by certain qualities similar to success and charisma. The bullied is stigmatized and ostracized because of something special, or is simply the victim of bullying because someone has to be the scapegoat so that all aggression is directed onto him and others can get rid of it.

The observers who stand around and huddle together refuse to interfere in a conflict that they feel they have nothing to do with it because society is telling them that it is not “worth it” is not “beneficial” and even “counterproductive”.

If we want bullying to be recognized and addressed, we cannot scratch the surface any further. Bullying and abuse go much further than beatings or ridicule and have far-reaching consequences.

Bullied girl

Sometimes the bully is a true reflection of what is promoted in our midst: the rejection of particularities, the abolition of diversity and the elimination of originality. A vulnerable target with no privileges is chosen. Furthermore, this person is not just the target of anger, but the obvious consequence of everyone failing to see it in time.

Mercantilism and a false concept of success as the origin of modern bullying

Bullying in the way we understand it today has been a taboo subject for years. In the meantime it has become part of the new age of psychology and of pedagogy, which is influenced by enormous competitiveness. Anything disturbing is ignored, all school resources are commercialized, and responsibility is always pushed aside when certain groups of children fail to adapt.

We can see how children are taught several languages, not because of the cultural wealth, but because of the material wealth that one day they will receive for it. Issues such as ethics and philosophy are moving more and more into the background. You teach the children something and prepare them to win and they don’t even know how to live together.

The children are not told about other realities and their moral competence and empathy are not worked on, which could prevent many of these cases of bullying. This is not a black mark. We cannot avoid mentioning that progress in the school field does not go hand in hand with great educational progress. Sometimes that doesn’t just have to do with getting a 1 on homework when you get a 6 on behavior.

If we don’t want bullying, if we want equality and education, we can achieve that too. The basic prerequisite for creating a warm and comfortable reality is to know what the affected environment wants to do in order to avoid bullying. There is no secret recipe for this. You have to work on it every day, together. We need to create awareness, not indifference.

When parents besiege the school: A current form of bullying that nobody talks about

We need to be able to see what similarities exist in different cases of bullying, but also how they are camouflaged with new behaviors that affect parents, teachers and students. Recently, both overprotection and the total transfer of parental responsibility to school institutions have been the cause of serious behavior problems in schools.

Many parents today confuse their role with their wishes. On the one hand, they want their daughters and sons to spend more time doing activities outside of their home. On the other hand, without getting involved, they want full authority over all those educators who work with their children.

The problem with current education is that there is no progressive and optimal transition from the earlier, outdated and authoritarian methods of education to other cooperative and democratic models that do not remove the authority of the teaching staff.

This applies to upbringing in general, but especially to the problem child “bullying”. How can teachers or school psychologists denounce a case of bullying when their abilities are systematically questioned by parents and later by the students themselves?

Injured child

The school development of many children leaves something to be desired in some ways, which definitely makes it difficult to uncover cases of bullying. More and more activities are taking place in school. Celebrations and birthdays that should be a feast for everyone, but from which some children feel left out by their own parents’ decision. Other parents are observers, but refuse to take sides. Teachers have no one to work with reliably to change the dynamics of the situation. Boys and girls feel more and more marginalized – this is bullying of school children, whereby the parents are to blame for the bullying, or at least partly to blame.

Many adults are starting to act like children. They question teachers and want to justify any incorrect behavior of their children by criticizing the teaching staff. They stigmatize the behavior of other children and make any argument between two children worse instead of opting for dialogue. This, too, is a type of bullying that nobody will say a word about.

We must not allow bullying to take on a new shape

But there is also positive news: The “original” bullying has been exposed and now we are trying to deal with it consciously and to fight it. We must not allow it to take on new shapes and to be nourished by new roots that we would first have to rediscover in the ground.

We should recognize this new kind of bullying early on and not think that it would be less bad if we just keep silent about the topic. We must not make broken puppets out of our children, guided by our frustration and by putting them in a box that can produce what is known as the Pygmalion effect in adults who handle them.

We must let them make mistakes and celebrate successes, not believing that we have a right to judge their behavior and personality that restricts the way others connect with one another. We must never assume the role of observer, but most importantly we must not support our children’s tendency to bully other children with our parenting style.

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