“He followed his kicks in the hope that at some point he would look back, remembering, day after day, that sweet voice that spoke in his memory, those eyes that looked very closely at each other and that way of trembling when their two bodies met touched.
And his going gave hope and at the same time broke the heart, he did not hesitate to move forward, despite the 1000 no’s and 1000 rejections that accumulated in the immediate past.
And with 1000 tears he poured his trail, while the rest of his will withered him and he cursed and swore not to follow his steps any further. And his painful footsteps crawled in the mud of his brooding thoughts as he lost the last bit of what he called dignity of his time.
And despite endless promises to friends, family, and himself, he began to plead again. He didn’t care about the consequences, he always began to plead again. Whenever the sign of fear woke up deep inside him, it screamed and controlled his control and let the plans of desperation guide him.
And his humiliated and trampled self-esteem was hidden in the deepest and darkest mud, and left the person he once accompanied in the lurch. He felt as if he had been driven away by the melancholy of memories of broken and lost love, of eternal loyalty and broken plans for the future.
And one person looked back at the other and thought, ‘ What could I have done to avoid ending up here?’ And cried…”
Did this story make you think?
Who has never gone through or seen a relationship crisis? And how many of them let frustration or defeat guide them? How many fought against a firm no, against the inevitable break, in the hope of fixing everything and getting back to where you started? What can we do to avoid this situation?
Certainly, in many cases a “no” can be settled; other “no” are forever, but in some cases we can destroy a non-final “no” from our ex: with our fear, lack of control, and wanting an early answer. And sometimes that pressure can take the other person’s time to breathe and push them to make the final “no” decision.
Couple conflicts, like any conflict in the human world, can have a solution.
To find a solution, you need a willingness and willingness to compromise, you have to want and do, give in and understand. For a partner, the end of a relationship can be the end of a situation that is unbearable for him.
In many cases, it can even be more of a breath than a true surrender. Usually there is an active and a passive part, that is, a partner who wants the separation and actively does everything for it, and a passive part who does not want the separation.
Just because you are the active part, you cannot say that you necessarily suffer less, nor can you claim that the passive part is to blame for this separation.
If you talk about separation and no third person is to blame for it, you have to practice self-criticism, however difficult that may be, because even if you may have tried to do everything well, we can still have been wrong in many cases, judged or wrong have provoked unsustainable situations without wanting to.
What can you do in a relationship crisis?
There is a lot of advice that could be given to prevent these situations from getting to a point where you cannot turn back, such as:
- Do not force anything, but seek dialogue in order to reach a compromise. Stop struggling to see who is right and instead explain our motivations or mindsets. It is better to focus on the present and not re-create the conflicts of the past, nor use them as examples.
- Understand that it is normal to disagree with something. To see this as a challenge, to look for common points rather than conflicts.
- Strengthen our partner for the efforts he makes to improve the relationship or the coexistence. The little details, a kiss, a hug, a tenderness, a smile, a moment of attention can be more important and powerful than the big actions that are meant to ingratiate yourself with us.
- When we have something to criticize that we do not like, it is better to focus on the behavior than the person himself, that is, to show that we do not like what he has done, rather than reproach and derogatory to use personal descriptions. Respect is essential for a good coexistence.
- In aggressive situations, before making a decision, you should agree that you are going to leave such a situation, so that you can reflect for a while and look for new forms of conflict resolution. And then again to speak more relaxed, reflective and patient , to understand, to give in (both) in order to conquer the relationship crisis.
- And force you to listen to the other person, to look them in the eyes, to try to understand their world, their actions, worries and fears.
- Seek activities together and resume that shared time that both enjoyed. Accept the dynamics of your relationship without trying to copy the beginnings.
- Trust and give the partner some time for themselves and respect their freedom without overwhelming the partner with calls and messages. Freedom is the core of true love.
- And above all, give yourself some time for yourself when your partner is not there, when you reflect on who you are and why the other person once fell in love with you. Love yourself!
Albert Einstein once said:
“Energy is neither generated nor consumed, only converted.”