5 Reasons Why You Can’t Find The Love Of Your Life

5 reasons why you can't find the love of your life

The idea that there is “the love of life” has become very widespread. In one way or another, it’s a contemporary version of the better half myth. It implicitly introduces the idea that there is a great love meant for us and that our role is to seek and find it. So if you can’t find the love of your life, you should keep looking.

There is nothing wrong with decorating love with romantic ideas. In fact, it can be enriching. It becomes problematic when you assume that you don’t have to build the love of your life, but that you could discover it somewhere at any moment. And that it would really last a lifetime. If this is not the case, it is because it was not this one chosen person, but someone else it will be.

“Not being loved is a simple misfortune. It is a grave misfortune not to know how to love. “

Albert Camus

The problem with this notion is that it may lead people to live on the basis of idealization. Because ideals exist only in the world of ideas, but not in reality. It is therefore worthwhile to put things in perspective. So let’s look at five of these reasons why you can’t find the love of your life.

1. The love of life does not exist

The first reason you can’t find the love of your life is because it doesn’t exist. At least there is no human destined to occupy an exceptional place in your heart. There is not just one person you can be happy with in a couple relationship, there are many.

Blue painting of a male face

Any relationship, as wonderful as it may be, can end. It doesn’t depend on fate or on insurmountable forces. It is simply a result of several factors. The most common of them are disappointed expectations and difficulties in maturing the other in our life.

2. Narcissism prevents the acceptance of differences

Many people think that their ideal partner would be a kind of mirror of themselves. They are looking for someone who is their own version in someone else’s body. It is obvious that there has to be solid compatibility between the two, but that doesn’t remove the fact that there can and will be huge differences between the partners as well.

If you can’t find the love of your life, you may have too personal an idea of ​​love. Maybe you believe that a great love would be the one who would meet your needs or desires. But what about you? Are you able to fully meet the other person’s needs and wants? Are you going to look at everything from the perspective that touches you alone, without considering the other’s point of view?

3. Adolescent fantasies

There are many people who still believe that someone should “show up” to have butterflies in their stomach, palpitations, and sparks jumping out of your eyes. Who could bring her to paradise with his presence alone. Anything else would be too little.

Girl surrounded by blue smoke

These fantasies are memories of an early childhood love. It is not only love, but also youth itself that leads us to experience affection in this way, in this phase. But youth does not return, nor is love felt as sparkling again as it was then. On the other hand, it could be perceived much better, more real and more sustainable.

4. The ability to bond does not develop

One of the most common reasons you may not find the love of your life could be difficulty in becoming attached. Bonding is not easy. It implies a series of losses and foregoing. Also the acceptance of the fact that reality is incomplete and imperfect. It’s the rejection of the romantic fantasy because it’s a rational act.

Sometimes we don’t want to accept that reality has ordinary facets that don’t sound violins. Compromises are incompatible with idealism, only with realism. Not everyone has the tools to wholeheartedly stand up for another. In this way no love will survive time and adversity.

5. There is an obsession with success

There is currently a great obsession with success, especially in the work area. People want to climb to the top. More money, more prestige, and more of everything. The only way to do this is to put your life into work and projects.

In these conditions, it is very difficult for a great love to thrive. For these people, even love ends in being a company committed to being profitable. At this point we need to reveal one of the great secrets of true love: We fall in love with each other’s vulnerabilities and needs, not with their accomplishments and successes.

Boy with his back to the sunset

If you regret not finding the love of your life, you may want to wonder if there is something to be found. In fact, it is not about a search, but rather about building. It’s not about being loved, it’s about loving. That’s how simple the formula for an all-round happy relationship is.

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