Forgiveness is a powerful weapon that allows you to live in peace with others and especially with yourself. However, there are some people who do not understand the liberating power of forgiveness.
Forgiveness can actually be a double-edged sword as well. It is a commonly used manipulation tactic, used to induce people to do what the manipulator wants. This is why it is important to understand forgiveness and learn to set boundaries to protect yourself from abuse by others.
Furthermore, our culture suggests certain behaviors that we usually adhere to. Often we do not even notice what we are doing and why we are doing something. We just react the way we are supposed to, without thinking about other options, and in doing so, we feed and reinforce those stereotypes that we hate so much.
We’re going to look at common forgiveness myths here. Reflecting on these myths will help you become more honest about forgiving others and help you become more aware of how you act and why.
1. We must get over feeling hurt first before we can forgive
Many people believe that they must first get over the pain and anger in order to forgive. As if they had to feel better before they could forgive. But the truth is just the opposite.
Forgiveness is a choice that you have to make. If you wait for your anger to pass, the anger will make it harder and harder for you to forgive. You should make up your mind right now if you are “hot-headed”. Then that state of tension and anger will pass more quickly because you will prevent the anger from taking control.
2. You have to choose forgiveness even if you don’t feel it
This is something we try to convey to our children, and many people still hold onto that premise as adults. But forgiveness is not a choice that can be imposed on one. It has to be a free and conscious choice, even if it takes a little longer to make.
If you only forgive because you should, because you think you have to, but you do not forgive from the depths of your heart, then anger and rage become a negativity that at some point looks for an outlet. Take all the time you need, but decide for yourself whether or not to forgive.
3. You shouldn’t forgive the same thing over and over again
People are people and that means we make mistakes, and sometimes the same ones over and over again. In fact, we are the only living things to trip over the same stone twice – or so it is said.
Learning from your mistakes is not an easy thing, especially if you are not fully aware of your mistakes. After all, not everyone understands everything in the same way and there are many factors that play a role in our behavior.
There are things that you can forgive once, but which you find it very difficult to do a second time. But not all offenses are equally serious and their effects depend on the person who commits them. Therefore, you have to look at each problem individually and should not generalize.
4. You cannot forgive someone who has not repented
If the person doesn’t regret what they did, then all the weight of anger and anger will come down on you. It will actually hurt a lot more. However, if you can forgive someone who has hurt you, then you will free yourself from that heavy burden.
Many people use this to hurt others because they understand the power of not showing remorse for your actions. But if you forgive them, you will disarm them. You will deprive them of an important means of achieving their negative ends.
5. By forgiving, you are validating the other person’s action
Many people believe that forgiving is a way of telling the other person that what they did is okay. In fact, many people use this mindset to validate inappropriate or illegal actions.
However, if you forgive someone, you are much more likely to let someone know that they no longer have enough power to influence you. You are saying that you are above these things. In this sense, forgiveness allows you to override this psychological manipulation that the other person is trying to practice. This has nothing to do with the validation of an action.